On Silence and Frustration

Well, here I am, sitting in San Francisco International Airport, half an hour before I step onto a hunk of metal that somehow makes it over the largest body of water on the planet, and I get to flip my internal clock on its head. I don’t have anything in particular to say, except perhaps about how I’m somewhat frustrated I didn’t have time (or motivation, maybe) to finish up my reflection from the 2016 Gay Christian Network Conference. Maybe I’ll finish it up soon, but as far as I know, WordPress is blocked in China and so I’ll be forced to take a break from blogging for the semester.

So I guess this is a temporary goodbye of sorts. Pretty much everything I know and love about the American internet will be off limits for me until April 28, and while that’s disappointing I think it’s also a good thing. There’s special sort of loneliness that comes from being connected yet not physically present with my loved ones — and while this is by no means a clean break (my yahoo email should still work), I think I have much to learn from this relative silence.

Sometimes God calls us to do the difficult thing simply because it is difficult, and that journey is important in forming us to be more of who we truly are — made in the Image of Him who is mysterious and eternal.

Frustration, in that sense, is a cousin of loneliness: not something I ever really asked for, but a necessary element of character development, and a different sort of gravity — perhaps a tension — like a rubber band stretched across the world so it can snap back all the stronger.

And in that, perhaps the silence will bring out the still, small voice of God that I often have so much trouble hearing. Perhaps I’ll learn to embrace the quiet, and return knowing better how to navigate the noise.

But for now, I think it’s time I shut up. Until April 28.

See you all, for now. Much love.

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